You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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