I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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