guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
