Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize