every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
