im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
