You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
