I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
