Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Pooping to opera.
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