hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
