Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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