My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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