I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
