So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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