If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
