fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
