Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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