The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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