Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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