The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
