I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's blow job season.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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