then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
50% drunk capacity currently
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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