exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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