I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
