meet me or not, i'm out of control
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
