i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
