a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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