I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
