So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize