My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
