Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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