How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
