she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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