You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The struggles of a small town man whore
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
