Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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