I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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