I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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