i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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