Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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