Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Everything about him screamed your future.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
