All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
