I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
