Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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