i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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