I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
