i will never coherently bang her
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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