Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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