I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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