I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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