obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
