atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My ass is underappreciated
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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