Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize