Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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