I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
