If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
