everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
