I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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