My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
