I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
