I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize