so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
