Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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