A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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