The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
