I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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