my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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