What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
