He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize