I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
