Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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