Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
