She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
