I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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